I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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