Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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