I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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