he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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