I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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