I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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