If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
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i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
A+ Viking dick
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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