Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i love accidental penises.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
