Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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