Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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