well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
