what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Someone signed my nipple.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
