Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
