I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
