Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
