He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
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I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
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Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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