Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
