My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
