Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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