i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
