Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
