Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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