Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
