dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
