it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
