i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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