Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
