I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
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Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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