I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
