we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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