Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I came so hard my ears popped.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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