Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
