Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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