Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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