she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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