fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
