After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
