wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
