i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
