just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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