know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
