dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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