You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
