Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
