party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
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Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
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We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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