I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
