im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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