oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
