He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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