Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
