i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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