Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
