Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
