So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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