My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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