the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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