She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
