based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
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