Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
