Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
