I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
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I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
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Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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