VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
