I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Do vagina's smell?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
