i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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