mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Best friends brother. Beat that.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
