i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
