please come you make the beer taste better
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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