I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
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can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
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my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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