dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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