i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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